It’s been about six months since my website went offline and I’m sure there have been a least a few wondering why and where I’ve been. Mostly, I’ve been getting older and dealing with all the wonderful surprises that comes along with that.
Work has been and continues to be tough but I did secure a promotion. Health wise I have had some significant struggles. There have been days and months I wasn’t sure my body would ever again be anything other than a broken vessel maliciously designed for my endless torment.
“I overcame myself, the sufferer; I carried my own ashes to the mountains; I invented a brighter flame for myself.” — Friedrich Nietzsche
From January 2021 until November 2022 I wandered and was lost in my mind. I asked for help and found a reprieve. Then last October I thought I was on my way back to my feet only for my body to betray me. Funny how that works.
A year and a half ago I didn’t believe I’d ever get back to this point. What was lost was lost and as much as I’ve always mourned what I’ve lost, in my head, what I have and how I feel today wasn’t a possibility. The lack of encouragement from those in my life and my environment, for years, beat me down.
Things are better now. The last five months I’ve been grinding my body into submission through diet and exercise. Certain goals I’ve had for almost a decade are finally materializing. There are a few projects I’ve been working on I’m really excited to share. When I look in the mirror I can see a hint of my old self along with a newfound discipline. Yes, more difficulties will come, but I embrace them with the understanding that suffering has been stronger than all other teaching.